Names Guaranteed To Get You A High School Beating

Farian Q. Darylimple III
Marcel Boodleberg
Faustus Mittendorf
P.P. Poppelthwaite
Clancy Paisley
Ludivico Tata
Adley Cumswit
Louie Mamalovi
Hemesties V. Farleypop
Farden Darden
A.A. Dandythistle
Alley Pimpthlimp Jr.
Nicaka Papadapapoupolous
Dick Pianesis
Ashleigh Mossop
Rigel Hasselflass
Phedon Papamichael
Tommy Turtletaub
Max Peejar
Martin Gimpnik
Tidley T. Popocramm
Fox Butterfield
Arly Aho
Rowley Fahrquar
Bob Stule
Herman Sweetpoole
Garth Barth
Chuck Upjohn
Rex Goldenrod
Irving Smallbagge
Wendell Sporn
Dave Inman
Peter Hartüule
Juan Focfacé
Edwin Toopletrot
Abi Hommos
Emerson Schiesmaltz
Sheldon Peters Wolfchild
Dick Armey

Cunt McElroy’s Tales From the Shit-Suitcase. pt.2

It’s really good to be outside on a summer’s day. The fields are endless and a perfect maze to play hide-and-seek with Becky Saunders. Pop thinks I’m going to marry her someday when I’m a man. Sure, Pop.
Hmm...Did I just step in...no...but, wow...it really smells like poo all of a sudden. Wow. It REALLY stinks like poo now.
Huh?!?

OH GOD!!! IT WAS ALL A DREAM! I’M STILL TRAPPED IN A SUITCASE FILLED WITH SHIT! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!? IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE? THE STENCH IS BEYOND IMAGINING! SWEET LORD, PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS SHIT-FILLED SUITCASE!!!

Poems about Rock Stars, pt. 1

The Cult

First, they were called “Southern Death Cult”.
“Too gloomy - not marketable enough”
droned record execs.
Then they tried “Death Cult”.
“Still too narrow in appeal - you need a more
accessible name. Do you want to sell
records or not?”

Lo, “The Cult”.
And it worked.
Really well.
For a while. But the winds of
Fickle tastes blew.

Desperate, they were going to
rename themselves
“The Hard Rock Band”
but lawyers for both the
"Hard Rock Cafe"
and
"The Band”
threatened lawsuits.

Exasperated, The Cult (actually the two guys who were left) finally said “Fuck it! Let’s ride Harley’s in L.A. like Morrison did!”
And at that precise moment, somewhere in the world, a dog farted.

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!!!!!

Band Names pt. 2

English Class Feelie-Wheelie
Goth in a Hyundai
Colorado Butt Plug
Suave Taxidermist
Skinny Pop
Los Halitosis
Bob & The Family Stone
Fatty's Pure Experience
Pinky the Man
Dept. Store Jerk
Dead Christmas Pet
Gavin Walks Erect
Pale Farmer
Stunt Dinner
Silent Virgin Partner
Pizza Boy Teaser
Lonely Polaroid User
United Pocket Friends
Satan's Soiled Computer
Southern Gay Socialist
Four Eyed Angel
Elevator Clean Lick
Recreational Vegetable
Fatty's Playpen
Clean Old Bag
Mean Beard Pâté
Serious Self-Worship
Pretty With Moustache
Blowtorch Rectum Dayz
Cocks Dance Bad
15-Minute Attraction
Cajun Brother-In-Law
Doomed to Tepidity
Famous Bleeding Ear
Love Smells Like Fish
Open My Raincoat
The Unclean Sisters
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Sodom
Benign Urinal Bride
Actors & Farmers
Half Pig Head
Music For Leopold
Pimple Boy Back
The Cleanliness Duende 5
Hot Dog Farm
Insignificant Crotch