THE HARUKI TANAKA REPORT


I am being entertained right now. Entertained with the knowledge that millions of fat, lazy American Hillybillys are watching Japanese made televisions and eating five cheese stuffed in crust, double layer pizza pies, and then eating Yankee Doodle American apple pies, and drinking their corn syrup fructose sodas, sitting on their Type II Diabetes fat rumps watching
Superbowel multimillionaires, the best players of whom come from a race that the White Imperialist Hillybillys fear and seek to keep second-class citizens.

Corpulent, butter-eaters...Oh how American Hillybillys love their butter! Fatty meats and super starch potatoes coated with kilograms of butter.

Look to Japan, fat American Hillybillys! We live longer because we eat better and work harder. Our corporate leaders do not line their pockets with the moneys from their workers. We have honor. We have respect. We are strong and fear nothing, save the great GODZILLA.

You?
You have BUTTER! And stretch pants. And extra wide seats. And heart disease. FACT: If 100,000 American Hillybillys came to Japan, our great island would sink!

– eh? What is that rumbling? Earthquake?...I...I just heard a terrible roar – It can only mean one thing – NO! IT IS! IT IS THE FEARSOME GODZILLA!!!!
AIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
AIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
AIIIEEEEEE!!!!!