Thursday, January 12, 2006


ON CELEBRITIES.


Who wouldn't want to be on celebrities -- especially Dolly Parton! Ha-cha-cha-cha!

But seriously, it was James Belushi who summed celebrity up best, over a cheap dinner I involuntarily shared with him some time back, in Burbank, which for you hayseeds, is near Hollywood. Anyway, the-Belushi-who lived told me, "Y'know pal (we're not pals), a true measure of how legendary you are is measured by how many people mock you."
There are no lampoons involving James Belushi here.
Now let the fun begin!


If Ben Affleck were a Pumpkin...
Do you know a pumpkin will burst when dropped from as little as 3 feet?


If U2 were Ants
Their smaller size would make them much easier to observe with a magnifying glass under the glaring sun.


Microbiology Made Relative
We all know that the mealworm is a parasite. But did you know that there are microscopic parasites feeding on the back of the mealworm? Parasites feeding on parasites. To put it in simpler terms, it's like Larry King's wives.


Dolly Parton
I think the only way I could stop fantasizing about having sex with Dolly Parton would be if she were my mom.


Society's Scorn
Since I don't get out much, I think I could've lived with the scorn of society if I'd had sex with my mom, Dolly Parton.


I Had A Dream
I had a dream that I went to Frederick's of Hollywood with Dolly Parton and we bought sexy lingerie for her. Then we went home and had wild sex and afterwards, Dolly baked me an apple pie and I said "Thanks Mom".


Chances
I think my chances of having sex with Dolly Parton would've greatly increased if she had been my mom, especially considering that she's "hill folk" from the Smokey Mountains of Tennesse. And if any hill folk reading this are offended, first of all, congratulations on your new found reading skills! And secondly, I apologize.


Paradise Tomorrow?
In a perfect world, all men & women would be my brothers and sisters. We'd all live in harmony. And our mother would be Dolly Parton. And I'd have sex with her.

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