GOODS AND SERVICES DOOMED TO FAIL:


Wolverine Pantyhose

Frankenstein Brand Tampons

Michael Jordan Cologne

Crosby, Stills & Nash Spermicidal Lubricant

Jr. Dick Golf Clubs

Greek Bros. Diaphragms

Viking Facial Exfoliant Strips

Brawny Tony Genital Cleanser

Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan Style Mortadella

Tijuana Girl Chicken Sandwiches

Queen For A Day Wigs

Tiny Dancer Cowboy Boots

Magic Johnson Caviar

Bill Gates Brand Basketball Shoes

Guy LaFleur Stool Softener

Elton John Performance Radials

Bedbug Mattress Surveilence Microphones

Blow Harder Air Conditioners

Johnny Pancreas Pancreatic Infection Kit

Sweet Jesus Bug Spray

2 for 1 Taxidermy and PHO

Obnoxious Frenchman Rat Poison

Lonely Shepherd Dental Dam

Delicate Flower Astroturf

Guido McWopley's Italian Eatery

She-Mail Feminine Envelopes and Stationary

Pacifist Ape Spaghetti Sauce

Krauty Kraut Sourkraut

New Genesis Pamphlet Protectors

Clay Aiken's Guide To Sensual Love

Bald Dummies Hairless Mannequins

Raisin Bag Weightlifter Snacks

Rosie O'Donnell Free Range Ham